I do not like being in the middle.

By the middle, I mean places like the back seat of a car, a packed auditorium, or a long, winding line of people.

Why? The middle is usually uncomfortable, for one, but mainly, there’s a lot you can’t control.

Take being in the middle seat on a plane. If you need to use the restroom, you have to ask the person in the aisle seat if you can get up. The social angst of wondering if they’ll be nice to you, silently judge you for having a basic human need, or straight up refuse to get up for you often makes holding it until you land a better option. (Plus, I’m always waiting for them to throw back a “I don’t know, can you??”) Needless to say, I book aisle seats when I travel.

Right now, I’m currently in a “middle season.”

I started a new job six weeks ago and the honeymoon phase is gone. The excitement of “I’m doing something new!” has subsided, and I’m left asking: what am I supposed to be doing? how do I do it well? and do I even want to do this?

While making dinner last week, I was listening to my 90s inspired Spotify playlist and that’s when the wisdom of Jimmy Eat World came to me. Not only is “The Middle” a certified banger, the lyrics are surprisingly sage in their simplicity.

“It just takes some time 
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright”

They’re also frustrating as hell.

I don’t want it to take time, Jimmy. I want to fast forward to the end where I’m an expert in my field of choice and I’m loving what I’m doing. But if I got my wish, I would never arrive as the person I’m supposed to be. It’s in the middle where we figure out who we are.

A friend of mine shared this John Maxwell quote with me: “You don’t grow in a day, you grow daily.”

We can have all the allusions of control we want. We can fill up planners with deadlines, read Forbes best seller books, talk to our mentors (all of which I do recommend doing), but often, it just takes time to become who we’re supposed to be. I can’t make a flight to London shorter in the same way I can’t make my “middle” season hurry up. But I can carry a better attitude.

So, here are a few things I’m working on:

• Letting go of my need for control. I’m telling myself, “I am not the leader right now and it’s okay to let someone else lead me.” Although my role is semi-leadership oriented, I am not responsible for the whole project at this point. I need to step back and let my leader do their job.
• Admitting I need help by asking questions (even if they feel dumb). If I’m not asking questions, I’m making assumptions. And you know what they say.. assumptions are bad. So I’m working on swallowing my pride, admitting I don’t have it figured out, and being okay with needing an explanation. To me, this feels crucial in not only understanding my work, but developing relationships with my coworkers.
• Choosing gratitude. This one is the simplest and the one that takes the most discipline. I’ve got a lined sticky note on my desk that just says “GRATITUDE.” My goal is to fill it up by the end of the work day. It can be work related, maybe it’s other things, but there is a lot I can be thankful for if I remember to look for it.

If you’re in a “middle season” today, I’d first recommend giving Jimmy Eat World a listen.

Then I’d say be easy on yourself. You’ll get there sooner then you think, so sit back and enjoy the ride.